A Dedication: How I Love You

I’d hold you close if you were here. I’d give you all of me: body and soul, flesh and bones, joy and fears. You never ask me, darling, how much I love you, but I want to tell you.

I want to tell you but the heart sometimes converses in a language unknown to the tongue, or even to the pen. Sometimes, however powerful words are, they’re not more powerful than the hurricane behind the eyes that you see. Eyes – windows to the soul, empty and full, kind yet scary. There’s so much eyes can say.

If I was there with you tonight, I’d be closer to your demons than you ever were. I’d befriend them and sing to them lullabies, even though I’m a ‘disastrous singer’ (as you often say – and I like it). I’d calm your storms as my arms would form a defense shield between you and the world.

I’d love you like you’re the one thing I never had, and the only thing I have. I’d tell the winds to hush as you sleep. I’ll tell the stars to shine brighter in your sky. Not that they would obey me, but a lover is a madman, and madmen talk to the moon, too, so I can at least just tell them to obey me. I’d tell the nights to be longer and the days to be shorter, so that I could hold you like this for longer while you dream. I’d watch you fall asleep – and oh, what a beautiful honey-like scene that’d be!

I cannot promise you things that’d die, like flowers or beauty, because then you’d only cry. I cannot watch you shed a tear, my dear. If I had the choice, I’d take all our fears, and give you but a laughter of a life-time. Oh… your laughter. The most mesmerizing song that I have ever heard. You’re no less than perfect…

Just so you know, I don’t have to be in the same city as you to love you like this. I love you, and that love trespasses all boundaries of distance and only-if(s). I love you more than I have loved myself, and if that won’t be enough, I’ll only love you more… never less. Remember that.

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Poison or Potion?

I sat still. Hands trembling – maybe with fear, maybe with sadness. He sat beside me. Empty-eyed. Hollow. Rays of sunlight fell on my skin from the window, but the heat I felt was not from the sunlight.

Year after year, I became the earth under his feet. Mostly, he would be glad it’s there, but then sometimes, when the earth was a little rough naturally, he would kick it, stomp on it, destroy it with the very feet he once walked her with.

I sat there, pleading him to stay. He refused.

The air was getting heavier to breathe in – maybe just for me, or maybe for both of us. My throat felt like it was closing in on itself. Cough. “Can I have something to drink?”

“What do you want?” He asked.

“Anything that would let me breathe again. Anything that might be like your love.” I described my preferred drink.

“So… poison?” He asked.

He said ‘poison’ but I heard ‘potion’. “Yes, please,” said I.

Drink. Gulp. My head spins.

He smiled. So did I. I was dying to see him smile. It’s the smile I would kill for.

If love is poison, I’d drink it like a potion. Always. Unless, of course, I’m no more.

 

-A.W.

Introspection & Loss

A beautifully written text.

The Renegade Press

I recently celebrated my fourth anniversary of blogging here at The Renegade Press. As with the three anniversaries prior to this one, the moment was a bitter-sweet affair of pride and introspection. Blogging has become a passion, and a source of endless pleasure that I approach with great reverence as I attempt to pour my heart and soul into everything that I create. But it hasn’t always been this way. This website was born out of a need to find myself, and to overcome my own internal torment. Four years ago I was emotionally shattered, creatively stunted, and questioning the validity of my own existence as I battled my own private demons. I was lost inside my head,desperately searching for a purpose amongst an endless torrent of fractured, self-depreciating thoughts.

Thankfully I found that purpose; and I found myself through my writing. With each new post that I create I…

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Couldn’t just sit…

Hello, there! I’m A.W, nice to meet you. Well, what a morning it is. The clock strikes 5 A.M and I just wanted a blog right away, so here I am. I hope this goes well, because oh, did I tell you how much I LOVE to write?! Now you know. *smiles stupidly* So, just to let you know, this blog isn’t just for my writing – you get to publish your work here, too! Just move over to the Stuff YOU write! section (since there isn’t much around here right now… C’mon, give me some time to get started!) , and submit your writing to me! I’ll publish your work, and then people see and comment on your work. Not only will this give you exposure, but also a lot of criticism for your improvement.

I’ll say hello again soon when I have a good something to post. Good day!

-A.W